TARF GNAMS: Anatomy

Here at GalootsLoot we pride ourselves in diversity. And while we understand that we’ve taken six weeks off we want to let you know that we still maintain our commitment to quality reviews and quality content. Today’s entry is the first entry in 2017 from our Adventurer Extraordinaire TARF GNAMS.

TARF here and I just want to say that 2017 is starting out in a great way. California is thirsty and that thirst is getting quenched. If you’re like me you like your playground nice and wet. CHA! It’s been a good year since I put the rubbers to mud. And since it’s been such a long time my body hurts. It’s the good hurt, you know like 50 Shades of Grey hurt. 

So I get out on the trail and immediately I’m met with some headies. Whoa, whoa lady it’s been awhile. Why don’t you lead me easy into this ride before we jump straight into headies? One mile of straight headies and now I’m pumping while standing on an incline. And I’m getting deep, feeling that burn. I got the Mini Moos pulling. The Ham Hammersteins are crying and my Chekayass is toning up.

Once I crest the peak it’s clear sailing and sand shredding through the hot stale heat of a gnar fest all the way to the Empyrean Gate. As I cross the threshold into another mile long climb I notice right away the trail is sticky. Sticky icky. My rubbers are gripping and I’m sitting and spinning up that climb. Some sections are a little to liquishie for my taste but my path holds true. I spend a minute of two chasing the shadow of a Ginger Tot as I approach my final climb. 

I’ve seen the top of the mountain and it is good. I crest again and marvel in the glorious lake. The valley’s are green. The water is blue. And the wind is trying to blow my flat bill off. No way Mr. Wind this here’s my billster brim. I take a break and realize how much I’ve missed being surrounded by nature. My balloons burn and my heart’s racing but I’m smiling Joker sty. Time to head home and guzz some glacial springs. CHA!

Whatever your passion is get out and chase it like the coyote chases the roadrunner. TARF GNAMS here, the G is silent but I’m not!

Vocabulary Key:

  • Headies: Head wind
  • Mini Moos: Calves
  • Ham Hammersteins: Hamstrings
  • Chekayass: Da Butt!
  • Liquishie: Liquid Squish, mud
  • Billster Brim: Hat
  • Balloons: Lungs
  • Guzz: Guzzle
  • Ginger Tot: Red Tail Hawk

Published by: galoot247

I'm a working man with the "American Dream" list of responsibilities, limited time and money and I'm here to provide you my gut reaction first response to save you time and money. I'm a below average gamer that tries to make above average plays. I once lost 12 consecutive thumb wrestling matches to a 4 year old.

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