TARF GNAMS: Rides Against

Today we at Galoots_Loot are again graced with the presence; or presents depending on how you look at it, with TARF GNAMS and his wonderful adventures.

TARF here! Back at it again like acne after a weekend long binge of Tacos and Beer. That’s Tacos and Cervesa to my South of the Border friends. Tonight’s ride was like yours truly, short, sweet and filled with enough juice to make something magical happen. Cha! Anyways, I didn’t do much of a ride but the important thing was that I got out and I pedaled. Like that cute little delicious fish says, “Just keep pedaling!”

I got in 9 miles tonight, most of it standing and powering through the first 3 miles of climb. When I got to the top and saw that it was good I took in a deep breath and let the wind hit my schnawz, right in the flaired strils. I rode through some whoopty whoops over to this little hill I call God’s Mole. I call it God’s Mole because it’s a steeper climb than you would expect while looking at it and when I got to the top I exclaimed, “Holy Moly!”Anyways, while I sitting up there looking out over the valley and lake God’s whispering to me. That’s right, wind is just smacking the side of my face like a fish out of water. And that’s when it hit me. I had an Epiphacclesiasterisks. For those of you that know Science and space I don’t have to tell you that an asterisk is what flies across space. And for you nimrods that don’t know Science speak an asterisk is a falling star. Cha! Read a book. Anyways’s where was I? Oh yeah, I had an epiphacclesiasterisk. Riding is good for the soul. So profound I know. What can I say, I’m blessed with wisdom. 

Speaking of smarts, right after my epiphacclesiasterisk hit me, I was hit with something else, a Throbbinanus. Remembs how earlier I was saying I was sweet? Well I guess I was so sweet that this little throbbinanus thought I was dinner because he stung me right in my armpit. TARF will live to ride another day but I feel sorry for the people who have to stand on the right side of me. I won’t be able to wear deodorant under that pitsicle for a few days so I’ll be as spicy as those tacos I mentioned earlier. Cha! So I’ll leave you with a scope of my ride the Red Rocket. She’s beauty that wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for the wonderful help of a dear friend Rick Ranger Bob and the wonderful customer services representatives at JensonUSA and the cheap but sturdy hardtail frame I purchased at Performance Bike.

TARF GNAMS is out.  The G is silent but I’m not!

Word Guide:

Schnawz = Nose
Flaired Strils = Flaired Nostrils
Remembs = Remember
Throbbinanus = Bee, becuase when they sting you their butt throbs
Pitsicle = Sweaty armpit, yuck
Epiphacclesiasterisk = A combination of epiphany, Ecclesiasticus and Asterisk (I think TARF meant asteroid)